Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
