He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
