he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
