Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
