Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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