you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just forgot I was standing up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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