I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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