you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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