i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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