4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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