dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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