I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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