so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
