haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
