doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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