he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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