I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
