Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
