ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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