I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
