I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
