when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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