Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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