vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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