All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
