His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
