feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
