Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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