Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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