i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
