I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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