How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
