Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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