No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
