Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
