WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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