i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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