I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
