I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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