i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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