Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think people are normalizing furries
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
