So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's shark week go big or go home
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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