Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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