I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
