Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Randomize
