You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
