I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
