oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
