We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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