the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
