there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
