I smell stomach acid.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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