Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
