Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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