I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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