ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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