wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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