I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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